Hmm, juz boarded 思念客運. Am watching the MV 最幸福的事 by 梁文音. Nice MV. Guess we nid to went through the phase of life(思念客運) to reach our happiness. I believe i already pass 失落和捨得. Now have to learn to 珍惜.
Guess wat, after 11mths, i finally bumped into her yesterday!! She was wif her bf. Was wif our common friends havinng dinner at tiong bahru plaza, my friend was like keep asking whether to change or leave or not. Not sure whether she saw us or not. As she juz walk past us. Saw the way her bf pull the chair for her. Believe she found a guy who treat her like a princess. Do wish that she be happy. Seriously at that moment, do feel that we r juz strangers passing by each other unknowingly. Hmm, better keep it that way. As long she is happy and good, i be happy for her. Guess i can finally closed the chapter and move on.
Strangely, perhaps due to many yrs celebrating all festivals and b-day with her, been really feelings down. Although there r lots of friends to celebrate n parties from christmas to CNY and even my b-day, but still feel the kind of emptiness within. Wat happen to the saying "when one door closes, another opens"?? Perhaps, the feelings of loneliness and no one to rely on is consuming me slowly.
Lol, juz finish a novel "The 5 People you meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom!!! Haha, before you people said "WAT!!!", ya i did manage to finish a novel. Hmm, quite a nice and meaningful novel. A good read for my trip to genting, since i literally am heading heaven(hell perhaps as Uncle Lim refused to cough out money for me)!!!
After reading, guess life is more than regrets, misery and hatred. There more install for us. In our life, we meet people who unknowingly die bcos of us, people who hurt us, people who sacrifice for us, people who we missed and left us and stuffs we regret doing. But living in regrets, misery and hatred is not going to bring us anywhere or help us. It juz make our life more miserable. Everything happen for a reason, be it good or bad. It juz how we going to learn and do abt it and not let in happen again.
No matter how small we think we are or wat we achieve, it might had changed someone life unknowingly. Forgive and forget. Cherish the person you have now. Past is past, nothing can be done to undo it. Is wat you going to do now that will.
Love, Hatezz
《The 5 people you meet in Heaven》 The story start with a old man, Eddie. He's a maintenance worker at a local amusement park, Ruby Pier. A place where he is born, live, work and die. A place of regret, misery, hatred and bad memories.
After dying in a freak accident trying to save a little gal from a fallen ride, Eddie finds himself in heaven where he encounters five people who have significantly affected his life. They have a story to share and something for eddie to understand before he reach his own heaven.
The First Person Eddie Meets in Heaven “The Blue Man,” or Joseph Corvelzchik, a member of a carnival freak show often present at Ruby Pier. Their path crossed when Eddie retrieved his ball from the street, although he was safe and sound, the Blue man wasn't. Eddie had given him a heart attack when he was driving due to a sudden halt and the Blue man was not mad at Eddie because of this, which confused Eddie. He explained to eddie that death doesn't just take omeone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed.
Quotations: "No life is a waste," the Blue Man said. "The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone."
The Second Person Eddie Meets in Heaven The Second Person Eddie meets in heaven is the Captain. Throughout his life, Eddie had used his war injury as a crutch. His inability to advance further in life than a ride maintenance man, to achieve personal goals – for everything, the blame lay on his war injury.
It is revealed that he was the one who shot Eddie in the leg, crippling him for life. However, unbeknownst to Eddie, the captain was actually saving his life, as Eddie was about to run into a burning hut, thinking he saw the shape of a small child burning in the ruins. Shortly after saving Eddie, the captain steps on a land mine and is killed.
The lesson in this chapter was about sacrifice.
Quotations: Captain to eddie. "Dying? Not the end of everything. We think it is. But what happens on earth is only the beginning." "You didn't get it. Sacrifice is part of life. It's supposed to be. It's not something to regret. It's something to aspire to."
The Third Person Eddie Meets in Heaven Ruby, the third person he meets for whom without many thoughts Ruby Pier was built many years ago by her wealthy husband. She shares with Eddie her innermost secret: her wish that the pier was never built, because the count who has ever suffered at the pier. Ruby’s story reflects the idea that events before we are born still affect our lives, as do the people before us.
Ruby’s husband is in the hospital, sharing a room with Eddie’s father. Because of this, she is able to recount to him his father’s final living moments to him. Ruby helps Eddie understand the importance of forgiveness.
The Fourth Person Eddie Meets in Heaven After leaving Ruby, Eddie moves through various wedding receptions in his next stage of heaven. At one of the weddings, he encounters a woman handing out chocolates “for the bitter and the sweet.” It is his wife, 'Marguerite'. As they dance from wedding to wedding, he tells her of everything she missed over the final 40 years of his life that he spent alone. Eventually, they discuss her death. She died too soon, and for this, Eddie was angry. Marguerite’s response is the fourth lesson Eddie learns in heaven.
It is never easy to deal with the loss of a loved one, and nearly impossible to cope with the premature death of a spouse. Although life is finite, love is eternal. Marguerite explains to Eddie that even after a loved one dies, the feeling of love lives on. In the absence of a physical connection, another emotion grows stronger than before: memory. As they dance together at their own wedding they share a final embrace, until Marguerite disappears and Eddie is once again left alone.
The Fifth Person Eddie Meets in Heaven In Eddie’s final stage in heaven he finds himself in a sea of white, empty and silent. He hears the sounds of screaming children – the same sounds that have haunted his dreams ever since the day he escaped captivity in the Philippines. Upon investigating the source of these screams, he finds children playing peacefully in a river. They are screams of joy, not of horror. Amongst the children, he finds a young Filipina girl, Tala. It turns out that she was the shadow he saw in the burning hut. He was responsible for her death.
After hysterically screaming and sobbing, Eddie collapses before the little girl, who shares with him his final lesson. Eddie explains to her that he was sad because he feels as if he didn’t do anything meaningful with his life. To this, she responds by sharing with him his purpose on earth. “Children. You keep them safe. You make good for me. Is where you were supposed to be. Eddie Main-ten-ance.”
Before Eddie exits his final stage in heaven, Tala tells him that he did, in fact, successfully push the young girl to safety from the plummeting ride. Eddie is confused at first, telling Tala that he felt arms pulling him, not pushing. It turns out that these arms belonged to Tala, who was pulling him into heaven, keeping him safe.
Wow!!! Time pass fast. Unknowingly, a year had passed and we are already 11 days into 2009!!! I believe alots of us had spent the last few days 2008 or even the first few days of 2009 looking back at 2008 and planning for 2009. Me too.
How was 2008 for me?? Haha, dun nid me to say much. Real BAD!!! But nevertheless, looking back did learn alot from it. Hatezz to say that, if i had learnt it earlier or shall i say if i choose to listen to other, mayb it will be a different 2008?? (haha, james, i know u be laughing when u see this)
Hmm, looking back, i really spent too much time on work and neglect alots of things in life. Especially my love one. Perhaps is becos i grow in a family where i learn to be independent and my life is abt acheive what i want in life. Perhaps is the mindset of working hard to provide for my love one. Forgetting or shall i say failed to understand that no matter how beautiful my dreams will be, i still need to share wif the other 1. I also had learnt to share my emotions and feelings, though not face to face, at least i blogged it. Haha.
Nevertheless, i believe 2009 will be a great 1!!! Picking myself up on relationship front and hopefully there will be some1 for me to love or shall i say love me (Not u gays!!!). As for work, everything going well so far, proj till mid 2010, better control of my time!!! Family wise, believe everything will sort out by the time i get my house!!!
As for 2009 resolution, only 1!!! To spend more times with my love ones, friends and GAYS!!! Read from some research that setting high new year resolutions will only make you more depressed at the end of the year. So set reasonable 1. I believe my resolution not that hard to achieve.
Oops, i believe my last entry was too emotional. Haha, received a couple of regards. Before my phone start ringing and my msn start jumping, guys, gays and gals, i perfectly alright. This blog contain all the inner emotional of hatezz. Some things that i believe nope of u had seen. Haha, not that i a good actor. Is juz that i'm a believer that we had a choice to be happy and sad. And every1 had their own sad stories to tell and things to worry. So no pt in shower your sadness and emotion to other. Rather shower it on a blog. I had learned not to keep my feelings inside. And let it out. So, it gd to have a diary or a blog. :)
Hmm, mayb i should lock it and make it private so u people wont worry abt me. Haha. Hmm, guess not. There's alot of kpo out that trying to know how i had been. :)
Every1 had a choice. A choice to be happy, a choice to be sad. I juz choose to have a happy life. So every morning, i will tell myself it's going to be a happy day. Spread joy, not sorrow. Life is not abt how much u gone through, it abt how much u understand and learned from it. Some people can go through alots but they will still gone through the same things again n again and be sad and said that the god is not fair, the world is cruel. But they will never understand n learned that they are things that we can control and they are things beyond our control. We can only accept it and move on wif our life.
So people dun worry abt me. Life still move on. I cant choose who my parents are. But i do believe i can choose my path and life i want to lead. Choose to be happy than to be sad. Choose to give than to take. Spread the joy.
To look things at positive side, i learned alot. I do believe 2009 will be a good yr. As i believe i had reached the bottom of my life. Is time for this cockcoach to jump back to life. :)
P/S Before i forget, remember to msg and tell ur love one how much u love them. Treasure them. Is a season to be jolly!!!
Borrowing from the movie (The Matrix), the terms blue pill and red pill have become a popular metaphor for the choice between blissful ignorance (blue) and embracing the sometimes painful truth (red). For more read, click the link below.
Times past, the year is going to end very soon. Really hatezz the kind of feelings when your are at the end of the year and you had nothing/nobody around you to rely on. Really feeling sucky for the past few weeks. Till the extent the i'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. Past few days, i been living and fighting the devils within me. The devils that i thought i had won many battles against with. Devils that i managed to keep deep within me. Devils that i believe will break me 1 day.
I do understand that there's no point of looking back and think abt things that i can't change. But lots of shits happened. My dad juz managed to sold the house once again. To make matter worse, he's thinking of juz cremated my grandma tablet. A decision that luckily my aunts managed to get know and go against. Not that i wish to remember and think abt my past. Is juz that, it juz keep coming back to haunt me.
Received a call from my aunts few weeks back, they are so worried abt my bro and me that they can't get to sleep. Really sad to hear that my aunts are so worried. They been really good and take care of me since young. I dared to say that w/o them, i might not be wat i'm today. Have a gd talk wif them and get to know abt my dad's decisions of cremating my grandma's tablet and take all the money to indonesia and stay there.... Really hurtzz that i had a dad like tat... Since young, my grandma had been looking after him and even the house we had was fully paid by my grandma.. And this current house is been bought with the money he sold the old house and now he can juz sell the house, dumped the whole family, throw aside all the responsibities and even cremate my grandma's tablet. How could he ever think of such ideas?? Do he really have the rights??
Last sat, managed to send my grandma's tablet to her final resting place at a temple wif the help of my aunts. Do hoped that she will have a peaceful mind over there. After that went to my cousin's house to celebrate his daughter b-day. Really warming to see all his siblings is there to share the joys. The kind of familiy warm that i always long for. Guess need lots of affords and times till i can get such family warm. Or mayb, not possible in this lifetime.
Looking back at 2008, nothing seems to work out for me. Broke off from a 6yrs plus relationship and endless family problems. Not really have anything that i find happy in 2008. Being drifting around in clubs and pubs. Drink-drank-drunk for the past few mths. Trying hard to find back my meanings of life. Trying hard to get back on my feet and find back my goals and dream that i had keep them aside for the past few mths. Trying very hard to love again.
Perhaps, is better to hatezz. Better to live wif hatred than love. At least i wont be hurtzz at the end of the day. All the while since young, i been giving. Giving to my family, giving to my friends and every1 around me. End of the day, nothing in returns. Only a lonely lonely hatezz. Shall i juz gave in to the devils within me and be a devil????
Lots of people had been telling me, u look cheerful and bring joy around you, you must be some1 without worries. How i wish my reply is yes. At times, i wish i had taken the blue pill instead. Living in a blissful & ignorance life.
"You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed, and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes." -Morpheus describes the effects of the two pills to Neo
Hmm, just watched Bedtime Stories wif my friends. A funny fantasy movie. I believe we all wanted our stories in our life to have a happy endings. But in reality, not all stories had a happy endings. But if we nvr dream and try to create 1, high chance there won't be 1 to begin wif.
Wat the heck!!! Is it me or juz christmas?? Making a lonely heart so emo!!! Thought christmas are supposed to be magical where all miracles happened and santas climb into ur window and stuff presents into ur stockings. WHERE MY SANTAS!!!!
Do wish that 2009 will be a yr where my life story will had a happy ending to begin with.
Wow, wat a night!!! Let me think when the last time i celebrate christmas till i drop?? Near to 4 yrs?? 2 Parties, mixture of wine and beer is a killer..
Anyway, is my christmas really merry?? Had a rough year, nothing seems to be right. Broke off from a 6yr plus relationship, had a rough times wif my family and now house sold and need to hunt for 1. Hmm, looking back, this year really sucks. But nevertheless, learned alots for the past few mths. Found that i'm evolving. Done and try lots of stuffs that i never try and done b4. Of cos, met a gd gay that had always been at my sides when i needed him. Haha.
As the year had come to an end, time for me to move on and get my dreams and goals back on track. Hopefully 2009 will be a better yr for all.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year Ahead!!!
P/S: Santas left a note in my stocking saying that i had been a good boy this yrs but he's broke as all his funds had been cheated by the lehman brothers. So no present for this yr. WTF, damn the lehman brothers.
THE EARTH SHEEP
The Earth element gives the Sheep a grounded effect. Although he struggles with a lack of self-confidence, this Sheep is a very stable person. They are independent and practical, leaning more towards conservancy than liberality. An Earth Sheep's family is his most important asset and he spends his life working hard to provide for his loved ones. Earth Sheep are born with a joy for life that generally becomes infectious as you get to know him.
THE AQUARIAN SHEEP
Wonderfully inventive and imaginative, these Sheep are true free spirits. They are vibrant people who live day to day, moment to moment.
